151 – that is the numerical value of my craziness! Let me start there!
Now, I have a little confession to make: I owe my family an apology!
I did something bad on Easter!
No, I didn’t forget to take them to see the Easter Bunny (although I almost did) and I didn’t forget the peeps and it’s not because I made them wear ties, though my toddler probably wants an apology for that!
It’s because I turned into a raving lunatic over getting the perfect family Easter picture.
Admit it moms, who of us has not, at least once before, channeled the possessed little girl from the exorcist movie when driven to the point of insanity and desperation trying to get one tiny, itsy-bitsy, decent family photo on a special occasion?
You know how the scene looks:It’s Sunday morning and despite the fact you got out of bed at 5:00 a.m., you’re running late,
you have practically shoved the breakfast you made down your family’s throat, you have forced every member of your family into clothes that are too tight or are too stiff or too something, you are trying very hard to remain calm and not yell, it is Sunday after all, you have tucked your toddler’s shirt in at least 23 times already and it is hanging out again, you have explained 19 times to him that the tie will not strangle him, you have taken 785 deep breaths and it’s not working, the baby decided to spit up on your new Easter dress, every pair of hose that you put on has a run, you look in the mirror, see your gut, contemplate changing and decide it’s not worth the effort, you walk down the stairs with baby on one hip, holding hands with your toddler, paci in your mouth,balancing yourself on heels and talking about an imaginary baby alligator that lives in your vent, you finally gather everyone on the front step for a loving and happy family picture to remember Easter morning and
everything falls apart: babies are suddenly screaming, your toddler decides to exercise his independence and mastery of the word “NO” and your husband stands staring at you like a deer in headlights as if he has never had a photo taken of him in his life and has no idea what to do…..
And then it happens, without warning , you, “the mommy” lose your mind!!!! And so it happened to me on Easter morning!
Picture #5 -
Doesn’t this just say it all???? We are 5 shots in and my toddler is already hiding his face and clinging to his father for protection – he knows this is not going to be fun.
And that look on my husband’s face….. oh yeah, he’s been through a few family picture sessions with Mommyrazzi!
And look at me…. just look at me…. even my hair looks like a crazy person blowing in the wind as I start ordering folks around as if I’m about to mobilize the entire 82nd airborne for war.
Thank you dear brother-in-law for capturing all this……
Don’t we just scream Happy Family?
Look at my husband!!! How can I expect my toddler’s enthusiasm to be great when his father is acting like I just told him we were swinging by the hospital on the way to church for his colonoscopy. He should be very glad my back was turned for this look or eye roll or prayer or whatever it is.
“Oh Dearest Jon, we will talk about this later.”
Did he not understand the effort that I had put into those little perfectly matching Easter outfits he shared with his two sons? Did he not appreciate the perfect color coordination of the pink in their ties with my pink Easter dress? I mean I even had a tie for my 5 months old that matched theirs….. can you imagine if I had left him in charge of our Easter outfits?
He would NOT smile, not for anything! Not for threats of losing his toys, not for threats of cancelling the Easter egg hunt (I think he knew I was bluffing) and not even for promises of copious amounts of Skittles – which are usually his love language.
He wouldn’t even sit near me at this point – see the space? He would have gotten further away if daddy didn’t have him blocked in.
Could that lip get any further out? He is so mad at me…..and I am not too happy with him either.
Picture number 37 -
So then he tries to just escape the whole ordeal….. and really who could blame him?
So that’s when my exorcist voice started and I got close to his ear and whispered in my meanest mommy voice “you better get up on that step and YOU BETTER SMILE!” – admittedly not my best mommy moment….. maybe Mommy Dearest, good thing he didn’t use wire clothes hangers.
You know your mom probably used the quiet “I mean business voice” right in your ear while she had the death grip on your arm. It’s something we moms pass down from generation to generation. It typically comes out in the most desperate of situations when you are in public, cause if you weren’t in public she would have already taken care of business if you know what I mean.
At least the baby is happy – he has to like me – I am still his food source!
Picture 53 – He puts me in time out
See that finger, that’s what he is saying, “mommy you are in trouble – you need to go to time out!” In hindsight, he’s right!
So because those group pictures went so well, I decided that I wanted one with just me and the boys…..
In the group shot he refused to stand, in this shot he refused to sit and he is still telling me “I don’t like these pants.” My reply, “too bad, you are wearing them.” I really mastered empathy on that one! That sounds horrible, but I’m betting I am not the only mommy that has ever uttered those words on a Sunday.
After this round of pictures failed, I gave up, frustrated and just decided we should leave for church – I assure you though I was in no church going mood at that time.
I actually said, to my two year old, “you better not ask me for another thing today because you can’t give me this one thing I want”. At that point my husband looked up and me with one eyebrow raised and gave me “that look”. You know the one…… the one that says “what is the *&^% are you talking about right now?”
I’m pretty sure he and his brother were restraining themselves from falling on the floor in laughter.
That’s what a normal rational person would have done…. just laughed, said “it is what it is” and went on with the day. But not me, not Ms. I MUST HAVE A GOOD EASTER PICTURE crazy mommy….. I don’t give up easily!
So when we got to church, I tried some more. I guess I thought maybe God would help me out a little if I was there…..WRONG!!!
Frankly I think God was amused by my unrelenting quest by this time. He wanted to see just how far I would go, how many times I would try. He knows I’m determined and hard headed, after all he made me that way!
Then after church we were off to my parents house for lunch and an Easter egg hunt and …….. wait for it, more pictures because I STILL had not given up!
Now the baby is done with me and the rest of us look exhausted from smiling and trying – and of course there is a car in the background.
They are getting worse – baby is now in full meltdown mode, hubby’s tie is completely twisted and that look on my face….. just trying to hold it together.
A picture, seriously that’s all I want (there are definitely “bad words” going through my head). Oh and I might have been thinking about how nice a glass of wine would be at that moment and too bad you can’t give kids Benadryl anymore like my parents did.
I thought it can’t get any worse….someone should have staged an intervention at this point really, helped my toddler write a letter or something. This clearly indicates a problem.
But it did, the wind turned on me too! But look at that, hair in my eyes, I am STILL smiling hoping for a good picture.
Sam Champion would have been proud – I could totally be an on site reporter during a hurricane and ROCK IT!
So that was it!!! I gave up. There were a total of 151 attempted Easter pictures taken and none came out perfect. Some certainly came out better than others!
So this is it:
Our First Family Easter Photo as a family of 4. It isn’t perfect, but then again neither are we!
It is what it is and we are what we are – and that’s not at all bad, in fact it’s perfect in a very imperfect way! I am the mother of boys and I should probably get used to constant chaos. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
They are my heart and they are perfect even when I am not!
So, I hugged my toddler and said I was sorry for being crazy about the pictures. I’m not sure he got it or even cared, but I feel like I should apologize when I act badly.
I think I need to go to time out……. with my mommy sippy cup (wink)!
Do you have similar funny picture stories? If so, please share!